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“What about imagination?” I asked. “How can that be helpful in replacing any of our habits?”
“To understand the importance of imagination in helping us overcome and alter any of the habits that we feel are undesirable, due to any reason, we will need to briefly understand some relevant characteristics of our brain.” He said. Then, as if he was trying to buy time to arrange his thoughts, he stood up and asked, “I am going to make myself some coffee. Would you like to have some?”
“Sure.” I said, “But I would like to have my coffee in milk if that is not a problem.”
He looked at me with a smile and then disappeared in the kitchen. From behind the kitchen wall and through the open door, he said “All that I need, when I make my coffee is water, the Nescafe instant coffee-jar, with sufficient coffee in it, and the water kettle. Through experience, I know where all these things are. If someone were to disturb the placement of these things, it would affect the speed of my work, would slow me down, and sometimes even frustrate me. Now, when you told me to make your coffee in milk – which I am not so used to making – I have to figure out where the milk is in the refrigerator, which utensil to use to boil it and where to find that utensil, and the appropriate amount of instant coffee powder to put in the milk. Do you see how our habits facilitate and make doing the routine tasks easier for us, while because of the same habitual patterns, we can sometimes feel frustrated and blank when we have to do something which we are not used to doing?”
While he was talking, I too had walked into the kitchen and was standing behind him. As he finished, I said, “Yes. I understand that.”
Walking back into his library and sitting on his comfortable revolving chair, he said, “One of the characteristics of our brain is that it forms connections. Whenever we experience something new, a new connection is formed in our brain. These experiences can be of any number of kinds, from merely an exposure to a new word, or a conversation that gives us a new perspective or challenges any of our existing perspectives to suddenly being faced with a new life situation, as having to make coffee in milk.” He said, ending with light laughter.
He remained quiet for a few seconds, anticipating me to comment. I didn’t say anything. After almost a minute, he continued, “As we repeat our experiences, the connections in our brains are strengthened. And this develops our habits, whether they relate to the words we generally use in our speech and writings, or to respond to others’ comments or actions, or to carry out everyday life chores – like making coffee. On the other hand, if an experience is not repeated over a long time, the connection is weakened and, sometimes, the experience may even slip out of our consciousness. For instance, after being exposed and introduced to a new word, if you do not use it or are not exposed to it for some time, its meaning and usage can easily slip out of your conscious memory.
“Another relevant characteristic of our brain is that it cannot distinguish between reality and imagination. When you imagine something in sufficient detail and immerse yourself in that image, it is as good as real for the brain.” Suddenly, he stood up and walked to the bookshelf on his left and took out a small, blue-colored book. I could read the title ‘Silva Mind Control Method.’ He shuffled through the pages. Then finding what he was looking for, he started reading out from it:
Imagine that you are standing in your kitchen holding a lemon that you have just taken from the refrigerator. It feels cold in your hand. Look at the outside of it, its yellow skin. It is a waxy yellow, and the skin comes to small green points at the two ends. Squeeze it a little and feel its firmness and its weight.
Now raise the lemon to your nose and smell it. Nothing smells quite like a lemon, does it? Now cut the lemon in half and smell it. The odor is stronger. Now bite deeply into the lemon and let the juice swirl around in your mouth. Nothing tastes quite like a lemon either, does it?
At this point, if you have used your imagination well, your mouth will be watering.
He closed the book and looking at me, he asked, “Do you understand what it means?”
“Yes,” I replied. “But I do not understand how this characteristic of the brain can be a helpful tool in getting rid of any of our undesired habits?”
“Keep in mind how habits are formed in the first place,” he said. “As I mentioned earlier, it is the repetition of our actions that forms our habits. When you do something repeatedly, it naturally becomes easier for you to keep doing it and more difficult for you to change it. This is the time that that action has become a habit. Now, if you combine this fact with the understanding that our brain cannot distinguish between something that we are actually doing and something that we are only imagining, you will see how our faculty of imagination can help us in forming new habits and replacing old ones.”
“Can you please explain how can we practically make it happen?” I had my question ready, even before he completed his sentence.
“Some time back, I developed the realization that whenever something transpired that was not to my liking or in keeping with my expectations, I would start getting uptight, extremely tense, angry, and frustrated. I would immediately start looking for whose fault it was and then try to confront the ‘perpetrator’ with my inquisition. As you can guess, it rarely solved any problems and never succeeded in righting the wrong that had already transpired. But, it did create a lot of heightened tensions in my relationships and caused me further agony over my role in those strained relationships. Once I had this realization, I wanted to get rid of this habit…”
“Did you decide about your motive for change?” I interjected.
“Yes. My agony over strained relations was giving me a clear message that I needed to be more understanding, more caring, more compassionate, and more accommodating so that people – and especially those closely related to me – could feel comfortable being their real selves with me.” He replied quickly and then continued, “So, having decided to try and get rid of this habit, I used the imaging-technique. I would sit silently just imagining and visualizing – in as much detail as possible – a scene that would generally trigger tension, anger, and frustration in me. But, in my visualization, rather than getting tensed, angry, or frustrated, I would imagine staying calm and telling myself that nothing is worth straining my relationships with those who are so dear to me. I would imagine refraining from making judgments about the situation and listening to everyone involved in it, trying to understand their individual perspectives. Then I would imagine responding to the situation in a manner that would safeguard and protect anyone involved in the situation from being hurt or distressed.
“In the beginning, this imagination seemed unreal. As if my brain was resisting my calm response to the situation. However, as I continued practicing the imaging-technique, it gradually became easier for my brain to accept it as an alternative reality.
“However, not too long after I started this practice of visualization, I became more conscious of my reactions. Even if I could still not control them, there was definitely an inner voice that prompted me to stop. Then, after a few weeks of continuing to practice the imaging-technique, I started controlling my reactions too – not every time but there was some improvement that I experienced and felt encouraged with.
“I cannot say that I have completely overcome my old reactive habit, but I know that I am moving in my desired direction, even if only one step at a time.” Then he looked at me smiling – a smile with a slight touch of embarrassment, I reckoned – and asked, “Does this example clarify the role imagination can play in forming new habits?”
“Yes. I think it does,” I said, nodding my head.
Lahore, Pakistan
June 09, 2020
