Posts

What Is Mine to Do

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

The Hardest Part in the Serenity Prayer

I brought the question to him one day because it had been troubling me for a long time. “There’s something about the Serenity Prayer I don’t fully understand,” I said. He looked up, interested. “What is it?”

“I think most people focus on the first two parts,” I replied. “The serenity to accept what cannot be changed and the courage to change what can be changed. But the part that seems most difficult to me is the last one: the wisdom to know the difference. How do we actually know? How do we decide whether something is within our control?”

He smiled. “That is probably the hardest part.” For a moment, he remained silent, then continued. “The difficulty is that we are not always objective when evaluating situations.”

“What do you mean?”

“Our emotional state shapes how we perceive our ability to influence things,” he said. “When we feel strong, confident, and empowered, we often overestimate our control. We think we can fix everything, change people, solve every problem, and overcome every obstacle. And when we feel weak, we do the opposite. We underestimate our ability and convince ourselves that nothing can be changed, even things that are actually within our reach.”

I laughed. “Sometimes we think we control everything, and other times we think we control nothing.”

“Exactly,” he said, leaning forward slightly. “Let’s start with something simple. There are certain things that are directly within your control.”

“Such as?”

“Your thoughts. Your responses. Your decisions. Your actions. Your words. Your effort.”

“That sounds obvious.”

“It sounds obvious,” he replied, “but most people spend surprisingly little time focusing on these things.” He paused. “Now let’s talk about something else. Other people.”

I smiled. “That’s where life gets complicated.”

He laughed. “Yes. That’s where confusion usually begins. People often assume they have more control over others than they actually do.” He paused, then offered an example. “Children. Parents often believe they control their children. But do they really?”

“At least while the children are young,” I said.

“Not exactly,” he replied. “What they control are actions. A child eats because the parent insists. Sleeps because the parent decides. Follows rules because consequences exist. But that is only control of behavior, not of thoughts.” He let that sentence sit for a moment. “Think about it. Even when your child was five years old, you could not control what he believed, what he felt, or what he thought. You could influence those things, but you could never directly control them.”

I sat with that quietly, because it was true. He went on. “As children grow older, this reality becomes more obvious. Suddenly they disagree. They make their own choices. They form their own opinions. And parents become frustrated, because it feels to them as though something has changed, as though the child who once listened without question has somehow slipped out of their hands.” He paused, choosing his words carefully. “But nothing has actually changed. The disagreement, the independence, the private opinions, all of it was there long before it became visible. A small child does not lack a will of his own. He only lacks the strength, the words, and the confidence to make that will known. What grows with age is not the child’s independence. It is only the ability to express what was always there. So, when a parent senses that something has shifted, they are usually right that something looks different. But the underlying truth has not changed at all. It has simply come into view, the way a shape becomes visible once the fog around it clears.” He let that settle for a moment before finishing his thought. “That is when parents discover something that was always true. They were influencing all along, not controlling.”

I thought about several relationships in my life. “Then much of our frustration comes from confusing influence with control.”

He nodded. “A great deal of it.” Then he said something that changed how I thought about responsibility. “Your real circle of control is quite small.”

“That sounds discouraging.”

“It only sounds discouraging because you believe control creates power.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Not necessarily. You control yourself. Your thoughts, responses, and decisions. Everything else is influence.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s already a lot,” he said. “It will feel like a lot once you start using it.”

He drew an imaginary circle with his hand. “Most people spend their lives in the outer circle—the circle of concerns—what people think, what other people should do, what the economy should do, and what family members should do.”

I laughed. “That sounds familiar.”

“It sounds familiar because that’s where most of us live.” He drew a smaller circle inside the larger one. “But when you focus on what you actually control—your actions, your habits, your responses—something interesting happens. Your influence grows.”

That seemed backward to me. “If my circle of control is smaller, why would my influence be larger?”

He smiled. “People are influenced by character. Think about the people who have influenced you most. Were they constantly trying to control you?”

“No,” I said, and I thought immediately of several names.

“What made them influential, then?”

I thought for a moment. “Their integrity. Their consistency. Their example.”

“Exactly. The more responsibility you take for your conduct, the more credible you become, and credibility creates influence. The irony is that people who spend all their time trying to control others usually lose influence, while those who focus on controlling themselves often gain it.”

For a moment, neither of us spoke. Then I asked another question. “How do I know whether something belongs in my circle of control or my circle of influence?”

He smiled. “Ask yourself a simple question. Can I directly decide this? If the answer is yes, it belongs in your circle of control. If the answer is no, it belongs at best in your circle of influence.”

“That sounds simple.”

“It is simple.”

“Then why is it so difficult?”

He smiled again. “Because, emotionally, we don’t like the answer.” We both laughed. “Think about it,” he continued. “You want someone to appreciate you. Can you make them appreciate you directly?”

“No. I can only influence them.”

“You want your child to make wise choices. Can you make those choices for them?”

“No. I can only guide.”

“Exactly.” He grew thoughtful. “Much of our anxiety stems from trying to carry responsibilities that do not belong to us. We want certainty. We want guarantees. We want complete control over outcomes. We want people to respond exactly as we hope. But life doesn’t work that way.”

“No,” I said quietly. “It doesn’t.”

He nodded. “We are responsible for effort, not outcomes.” That line reminded me of so many spiritual teachings I had encountered over the years. “God never gave us control over everything,” he continued. “He gave us responsibility.” The distinction felt profound, and I sat with it for a while.

As our conversation ended, I found myself thinking again about the Serenity Prayer. For years, I had assumed that serenity and courage were the difficult parts. Now I understood why wisdom sits between them, because without it, we try to change what cannot be changed or surrender what should be changed. Perhaps wisdom begins when we stop asking how to control this situation and start asking instead what is mine to do here. That question quietly returns us to reality.

My thoughts are mine. My actions are mine. My responses are mine. My effort is mine. Other people are not. Outcomes are not. The future is not. Strangely, the clearer we see those boundaries, the lighter life becomes. Not because problems disappear, but because we stop carrying burdens that were never ours to begin with.

 

The Trap of Waiting for Certainty

 

 

 

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

“I keep going in circles,” I told him.

He waited.

“I can’t seem to make a decision with peace. Every time I think I’ve arrived at an answer, another thought appears.”

“What kind of thought?” He asked.

“The usual kind. What if this is wrong? What if I missed something? What if I regret it later? What if this affects other people in ways I can’t foresee?”

“And then?”

“And then I start over.”

I revisited the same options, reanalyzed the same facts, and reconsidered the same fears. Sometimes I spent so much time evaluating a decision that I lost sight of what I was trying to decide in the first place. I wasn’t moving forward. I was simply circling the same territory, hoping that one more round of thinking would finally produce certainty.

For a few moments, he said nothing. Then he asked, “What are you hoping to find at the end of all that thinking?”

“The right answer.”

He smiled slightly and said, “The right answer, or certainty?”

I wanted to answer immediately. Instead, I found myself hesitating. Because the more I thought about it, the more I realized he had touched something important. I wasn’t merely trying to make a good decision. I was trying to find a decision that came with guarantees. No regret. No loss. No unintended consequences. No possibility of discovering later that I should have chosen differently. In other words, I wanted something life had never promised.

He seemed to notice where my thoughts had gone. “You are expecting something from decisions that decisions were never meant to provide.” He said.

“What?”

“Certainty.”

I found myself thinking about several decisions I had delayed over the years. One involved changing direction in a professional project. For months, I moved between different options, filling notebooks with considerations, advantages, risks, and contingency plans. Every time I reached a conclusion, I found a new possibility that needed to be examined. At first, I called it thoroughness. Looking back, it was mostly fear. Not fear of making a bad decision. Fear of making a human one. Because a human decision always contains uncertainty.

“No human decision can be absolute,” he said.

The statement sounded obvious. Yet emotionally, I had never accepted it. Part of me still believed that if I thought long enough, gathered enough information, and consulted enough people, I would eventually arrive at a perfect choice. A choice so clearly correct that all doubt would disappear. But every important decision I had ever faced seemed to resist that fantasy.

He leaned back and said something I would return to many times afterward. “Decisions are not about certainty.” He said, “They are about sincerity, humility, and movement.”

The word that stayed with me was movement. Because anxiety rarely moves. It analyzes. It rehearses. It predicts. It revisits. It stands at the crossroads, imagining every possible road while refusing to walk any of them.

I remembered a friend who once spent nearly a year deciding whether to relocate for an opportunity that genuinely excited him. Every few weeks he discovered a new concern. A new variable. A new risk. Eventually, someone asked him a simple question: “If every concern disappeared, would you move tomorrow?” After a long silence, he admitted that another concern would probably replace the ones that had already been resolved. The problem was not a lack of information. The problem was expecting certainty to arrive eventually. I understood him because I had often done the same thing.

“What kinds of decisions trouble you most?” he asked.

“The ones that affect other people.”

He nodded.

“Tell me more.”

I thought about my answer. “Family decisions. Decisions that affect parents, children, or people who depend on me. Those are the hardest.”

“Because you don’t want to harm them.”

“Exactly.”

“What do you do when faced with those decisions?”

“I try to think through every possible outcome.”

“And then?”

“I try to think through the outcomes of those outcomes.”

He laughed quietly and said, “So you attempt to see the future.”

I smiled. “When you put it that way, it sounds impossible.”

“Because it is.”

There was no criticism in his voice. Only clarity. He continued. “When decisions affect other people, include them.”

That sounded simpler than I expected. Seeing my expression, he elaborated. “When decisions affect others, their perspectives matter. Not because they possess certainty, but because they see things you do not.”

That reminded me of a conversation I had once had with a family member while wrestling with an important decision. I had become so focused on what could go wrong that I completely overlooked a potential benefit that seemed obvious to her. It wasn’t that she was wiser than I was. She was simply standing in a different place and therefore seeing a different part of the landscape.

Perhaps that is why consultation matters. Not because it produces certainty. But because it expands vision. Then he said something else. “We do not possess God’s vision.”

The statement immediately softened something in me. So much anxiety comes from unconsciously expecting ourselves to see everything. Every consequence. Every possibility. Every future outcome. We want complete visibility before moving forward. Yet no human being has ever possessed that kind of vision.

Wisdom is not knowing everything. Wisdom begins by accepting that we cannot. I admitted something that had often frustrated me. “Sometimes people don’t really tell me what they think.”

“What do you mean?”

“They leave the decision entirely to me.”

He smiled. “Have you told them that?”

The question surprised me. “No.”

“Why not?”

I wasn’t sure. Perhaps I had assumed their silence meant they had nothing to contribute. But he pointed out something I had never considered before. People often hesitate for reasons hidden from us. They may fear being blamed if things go badly. They may fear conflict. They may worry about disappointing someone. Sometimes they remain vague not because they don’t care, but because they are afraid. That shifted the entire conversation. The issue was no longer simply making the right decision. It was creating enough trust for honest dialogue.

A few moments later, he said something I desperately needed to hear. “You will make mistakes.” There was no hesitation in his voice. Not you might. You will.

At first, I resisted the idea. I realized how much of my decision paralysis rested on the hope that careful thinking could somehow exempt me from mistakes. Yet when I looked back over my life, many of the lessons I valued most came from decisions that didn’t unfold according to plan. A project I was certain would succeed ended in disappointment. At the time, I considered it a failure. Yet the experience exposed weaknesses in my approach that success would have hidden. Another decision led to a difficult season I never would have chosen. Yet that season taught patience, resilience, and humility in ways comfort never could. Growth and perfection rarely seemed to travel together.

He continued. “Some mistakes can be corrected.”

That brought relief.

“And some cannot.”

That brought humility.

“But even those can become teachers if you are willing to learn.”

I sat quietly. The longer I reflected on it, the more I saw how often I treated life as though it were a single examination where one incorrect answer ruined everything. But life is not a single test. It is a long journey. Most decisions do not permanently close the story. They become part of the story.

Eventually our discussion returned to the deeper source of paralysis. “The thought that traps people is usually simple,” he said.

“What thought?”

“What if something goes wrong?”

I nodded immediately. That thought had accompanied countless decisions.

“The question appears responsible,” he said. “But repeated endlessly, it becomes a prison.”

I understood exactly what he meant. At some point, caution stops serving wisdom. It starts serving fear. The mind stops evaluating possibilities and begins worshipping safety. Then he said something that reminded me of our earlier conversations about anxiety. “Do not become the servant of your thoughts.”

I sat with that for a while. Because it described what often happened during difficult decisions. A fearful thought appeared. Then another. Then another. Soon I stopped evaluating them. I was obeying them. He described it as allowing thoughts to go out of bounds.

I liked the image immediately. Most anxious thinking begins with something legitimate. A reasonable concern. A genuine possibility. But then the mind keeps expanding it beyond proportion. A concern becomes a scenario. The scenario becomes a prediction. The prediction becomes an emotional certainty. And before long, we react to imagined futures rather than present realities.

“So what should I do when that happens?” I asked.

He thought for a moment. Then he said, “Ask yourself a simple question.”

“What question?”

“Is this thought helping me decide, or is it helping me avoid discomfort?”

I found myself returning to that question often. Because many thoughts disguise themselves as wisdom. In reality, they are attempts to escape uncertainty. The more honest I became with myself, the more often I recognized the pattern. I wasn’t always seeking clarity. Often, I was seeking emotional immunity. I wanted a decision that would protect me from regret, criticism, uncertainty, and pain. But no such decision exists.

Some months later, I finally made a choice I had postponed for a very long time. Not because every question was answered. Not because certainty arrived. But because I accepted that certainty was never coming. I had reflected carefully. I had sought advice. I had listened honestly. I had prayed, considered the available information, and examined my motives as best I could. And then I moved.

That was the most important part. I moved. Was the decision perfect?

No.

Did everything unfold exactly as I expected?

Of course not. Some parts went better than anticipated. Others brought challenges I had never foreseen. But something surprising happened. I survived the uncertainty. And more importantly, I learned from it.

That was the moment I finally understood what he had been trying to show me all along. A decision is not the end of the journey. It is part of the journey.

Many of us suffer because we treat every choice as though it must permanently secure the future. We want today’s decision to guarantee tomorrow’s outcome. But life is more fluid than that. You learn. You adjust. You correct. You grow.

Looking back, the greatest gift he gave me was not a formula for making flawless decisions. It was freedom from the illusion that flawless decisions exist. Once that illusion begins to fade, something else becomes possible. You consult honestly. You reflect carefully. You remain open to correction. And then you move forward, not because certainty has finally arrived, but because you have accepted that learning matters more than certainty ever could.

And perhaps real maturity begins there: not when a person finds the perfect decision, but when a person stops demanding guarantees from life and becomes willing to walk forward with humility, sincerity, and the courage to learn from whatever comes next.

When Worry Becomes a Habit

 

 

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

I said it half-jokingly, but there was some truth beneath it, “I think I’ve just become a worried person,” I told him. “Even when nothing is wrong, something in me feels uneasy.”

He didn’t smile. “That,” he said quietly, “is how it begins.”

I looked at him, a little unsettled, and asked, “What do you mean?”

He leaned forward. “You don’t just feel worried. You can actually train your mind—and your body—to produce worry.”

That stopped me. I had always assumed worry came from situations. Something happens. Something goes wrong. Something uncertain appears. And the mind reacts. But he was suggesting something far more sobering: Worry, repeated often enough, becomes a default state.

He explained it in a way I could not ignore. “When you keep living in your concerns,” he said, “your body keeps releasing certain chemicals, like cortisol.”

I had heard that before, but never like this.

“In small amounts, these chemicals are useful. They prepare you. They alert you. They help you respond.” He said.

That made sense.

“But,” he paused, “when they are released excessively, repeatedly, they stop serving you. They start shaping you.”

That sentence stayed with me. They don’t just respond to your life. They begin to define it.

He gave an example that cut close.

“Think of someone constantly worried. Always thinking, what if something goes wrong? What if this fails?” At first, it seems like caution. Responsibility. Even intelligence. But slowly, something shifts. The mind begins to expect problems, even when none exist. The body begins to produce the same stress response, even without a trigger. “And then,” he said, “you reach a point where anxiety appears without a reason.” Not because something happened. But because the system has been trained.

I asked him something that had been gnawing at me, “So you’re saying a person can become addicted to stress?”

He nodded. “Yes. Not consciously. But biologically and psychologically.”

That was hard to accept. We don’t think of worry as something we crave. We think of it as something we suffer from.

But he reframed it. “When your body repeatedly experiences a certain chemical state, it begins to recognize it as familiar. And familiarity starts feeling normal, even when it’s unhealthy.” That’s when it becomes dangerous. Because now, you don’t just respond to stress. You start generating it.

He gave another example: “If someone constantly indulges sadness, revisits painful memories, keeps narrating the same story of loss…”

I knew where this was going. “…they don’t just feel sad. They move toward a depressive state.”

The same applies to anxiety. If a person repeatedly entertains anxious thoughts, imagines worst-case scenarios, stays mentally in the future, constantly scanning for danger, then anxiety stops being occasional. It becomes habitual. It becomes automatic.

That word—“automatic”—explained so much. Why do you wake up uneasy without knowing the reason? Why does your mind jump to worry even in calm moments? Why peace sometimes feels unfamiliar, almost uncomfortable. Because the system has been trained otherwise.

I asked the question that mattered most, “If this pattern has developed—how do you undo it?”

He didn’t hesitate. “The same way it was built.” He said. “Through thought.”

That was both simple and overwhelming. Because it meant the solution was not external. It was internal.

He explained that emotions may feel powerful, but they are not independent. They are outcomes. They follow thoughts. They follow interpretations. “So if you want to change the emotional pattern, you have to change the thinking pattern.”

No shortcut. No emotional switch to turn off anxiety. No quick escape from a trained mind. Only the slow, deliberate work of redirecting your thoughts. He offered something deeply practical. He said, “Start noticing what you think about the most.” Not occasionally. Not in extreme moments. But repeatedly. What occupies your mind when nothing urgent is happening? Fear? Uncertainty? Imagined problems? Because whatever you repeatedly think about, you are rehearsing. And whatever you rehearse, you are becoming.

I tried this for a few days. And I noticed something uncomfortable. My mind, left alone, drifted toward worry. Not because anything was wrong. But because that path was familiar. It was like a road used so often that it had become the default route. Changing it felt unnatural at first. Almost forced. But slowly, I began interrupting the pattern.

When a worrying thought appeared, I asked, “Is this useful?” “Is this something I can act on?” If not, I let it pass. Not suppressed it. Not fought it. Just didn’t follow it. It wasn’t easy. But it was possible.

He had said something earlier that I didn’t fully understand. “You have to decide whether you will chase the trigger or not.”

Now it made sense. The trigger will come. The thought will appear. The feeling will arise. But what happens next? That is where the choice lives. Over time, something began to change. Not dramatically. Not instantly. But noticeably. The intensity reduced. The frequency decreased. The recovery became quicker. Not because life had become easier. But because my mind was no longer constantly rehearsing the difficulty.

In the end, what he showed me was both sobering and empowering. Sobering, because my patterns were not accidental. They were built. Empowering, because they could be rebuilt. Worry is not just a reaction. It can become a habit. And like all habits, it can be unlearned. But only if you are willing to do the quiet, consistent work of changing how you think. Because the mind, left unattended, will train itself.

The only question is: In which direction?