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Workshops on Understanding & Overturning our “Immunity to Change”

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Introduction

Why is it that even after reading about Emotional Intelligence and agreeing with it, one does not become emotionally intelligent? Why do team coordination, coherence, and performance not improve consistently after attending workshop sessions on such topics? Why do almost 90% of training workshops conducted for individuals or groups and rated very highly immediately after completion fail to bring about any significant change in the participants? Are the participants so utterly devoid of commitment? Motivation? Will power? Does the problem lie with team cultures? Do organizational environments discourage such transformations? Or is the resistance to making a change a natural phenomenon?

Join our workshop to find answers to these questions and to successfully make positive changes in your and your team’s performance. (For more information, click here).

Goal

The workshop is designed to achieve two goals: First, to help participants directly observe their psychological immune systems at work, and second, to help them overcome their respective immune systems.

Audience

The workshop is offered for individuals and existing teams (with a minimum of eight members). In the case of teams, the participation of the team leader will be mandatory.

Preparation

Before the start of the workshop, all participants are requested to work on and generate a few improvement goals for themselves that they want to work on during the workshop. Guidelines for determining our improvement goals will be provided to the registrants before the start of the session.

Organization

Part 1: Mapping our “Immunity to Change”

In the first part, each participant will be taken through the process of uncovering, recognizing, and observing their psychological immune system at work and how it frustrates their efforts in making meaningful and desirable changes in their lives.

Part 2: Overcoming our “Immunity to Change” (at the choice of the participants)

In the second part, each participant will understand and undertake the process of overcoming their immunity to change and successfully materializing their desired improvement goal.

Methodology

“Overturning our Immunity to Change” sessions are planned as a cooperative, conversation-based, and experiential exercise in understanding and reflecting on the experience and then overturning our psychological immune system.

Duration

For Individuals & Groups

The first part of the workshop is likely to be completed in 5 to 7 hours of conceptual and group work. After completing the first part, participants may take a break or immediately continue working on the second part. (Total time: approximately 7 hours)

The conceptual work in the second part will be completed in a maximum of 2 hours, after which the participants will continue meeting and sharing the progress in their respective experimentation work every week for 60 to 90 minutes. Depending on the participants’ progress, the second part will likely be completed in the group’s 6 to 9 weekly meetings (including the 2-hour session on conceptual work). (Total time: approximately 14 hours)

For Teams

All team members will be required to complete the sessions for individuals and groups (as given above). Besides that, an additional 6 to 8 hours will be required for teams. (Total time: approximately 30 hours)

Prerequisites

Completion of part 1 is a prerequisite for registration in part 2. However, after the completion of part 1, the participants can register for part 2 at their convenience.

Investment

  1. For one-to-one sessions: US $50 per hour.
  2. For group participation (with at least 12 members): US $20 per hour per member.
  3. For existing teams:
  • For at least ten members US $20 per hour per member
  • Teams of less than ten members US $200 per hour.

Registration:

For registration, please fill in the form here.

For queries, and clarifications, you may leave a comment below.

 

Video Introduction

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OVERTURNING OUR

“IMMUNITY TO CHANGE”

Introduction

After completing a training workshop[1], invariably I get calls from participants who express concern about why they tend to ignore practicing the different concepts they have learned, even after comprehending them and agreeing with them. For instance, they would ask why they face difficulty in practicing the various guidelines of “effective conversations” or “expressing appreciation and disagreements” in their everyday lives. The same phenomenon can also be observed in corporate trainings. Almost 90% of training workshops conducted in the corporate sector, rated very highly immediately after completion, fail to bring about any significant and consistent change in the participants. Why is it so? Are the participants so utterly devoid of commitment? Motivation? Will power? Does the problem lie with team cultures? Do organizational environments discourage such transformations? Or is the resistance to making a change a natural phenomenon?

My short answer to such questions is that reading and understanding a book on Emotional Intelligence and being Emotionally Intelligent are two entirely different phenomena requiring different capacities from us. A more detailed answer, however, is given below:

There are two kinds of problems we face: “Technical Challenges” and “Adaptive Challenges.”[2]

In a Technical challenge, the skillset required to overcome the challenge is generally well-known. A strong desire to overcome the challenge, access to the necessary information about the skillset, the opportunity to learn that skillset, and a commitment to put in the required effort are likely to allow one to overcome such challenges[3].

Adaptive challenges, on the other hand, require a change in the mindset, attitudes, assumptions, and beliefs of the person trying to tackle them[4]. It may be interesting to note that one’s mindset, attitudes, assumptions, and beliefs constitute one’s psychological “self” or “identity.” As a result, overcoming an Adaptive challenge, in a way, puts one’s current psychological “self” and “identity” at risk. This is where our “psychological immune system” comes into play.

Like its biological counterpart, which protects our biological “identity” and “self,” our psychological immune system protects our psychological “identity” and “self.”

When we tackle Adaptive challenges, our psychological immune system is on high alert to protect us from destroying our psychological “self” and “identity” and to protect us from the consequent psychological pain, suffering, or even “death.” Also, like the biological immune system – which, for instance, can severely obstruct adaptability in organ transplants and, thus, work against the very system it was meant to protect – our psychological immune system, if not kept in check, can block any changes we know are desirable and, sometimes, even necessary for our psychological growth and wellbeing.

Overcoming an Adaptive challenge requires one to be committed to learning a new behavior, on the one hand, while also being willing to risk one’s current identity and psychological “self” to develop a new and improved identity and psychological “self,” on the other.

Another aspect of Technical and Adaptive challenges that makes the situation more complex is that some challenges can be Technical for one person and Adaptive for another. One person may find it sufficient to get information about maintaining a healthy lifestyle for actually maintaining one. Another person may have all the information about maintaining a healthy lifestyle but find it irresistible to avoid eating sweets whenever they are in sight.

The difference between Adaptive and Technical challenges makes it imperative that we 1) recognize them as two separate challenges, 2) know how to diagnose and separate them from each other, and 3) treat them differently.

For Technical problems, the solution lies in disseminating and delivering the required information by organizing training programs and workshops. Adaptive problems, on the other hand, require us to make conscious and intentional alterations in our mindsets, attitudes, assumptions, and beliefs.

But how does one achieve that?

Two developmental psychologists at Harvard – Robert Kegan and Lisa L. Lahey – and their colleagues developed and refined the answer to this question. Our workshop, “Overturning our Immunity to Change,” is based on their answer.

 

Video Introduction

 

 

 

[1] The topics of my workshops are generally related to character development and moral uplifting.

[2] See “The Practice of Adaptive Leadership” by Ronald Heifetz

[3] Such challenges may include learning to fly a plane, becoming a chef, a surgeon, a typist, reading a book on Emotional Intelligence, etc.

[4] Such challenges may include being more emotionally intelligent, developing a healthy lifestyle, being more mindful of the impact of one’s actions on others, overcoming an addiction, being more empathic with oneself and others, etc.

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Imagination – A Natural Help in Forming New Habits

Read First Part

Read Previous Part

“What about imagination?” I asked. “How can that be helpful in replacing any of our habits?”

“To understand the importance of imagination in helping us overcome and alter any of the habits that we feel are undesirable, due to any reason, we will need to briefly understand some relevant characteristics of our brain.” He said. Then, as if he was trying to buy time to arrange his thoughts, he stood up and asked, “I am going to make myself some coffee. Would you like to have some?”

“Sure.” I said, “But I would like to have my coffee in milk if that is not a problem.”

He looked at me with a smile and then disappeared in the kitchen. From behind the kitchen wall and through the open door, he said “All that I need, when I make my coffee is water, the Nescafe instant coffee-jar, with sufficient coffee in it, and the water kettle. Through experience, I know where all these things are. If someone were to disturb the placement of these things, it would affect the speed of my work, would slow me down, and sometimes even frustrate me. Now, when you told me to make your coffee in milk – which I am not so used to making – I have to figure out where the milk is in the refrigerator, which utensil to use to boil it and where to find that utensil, and the appropriate amount of instant coffee powder to put in the milk. Do you see how our habits facilitate and make doing the routine tasks easier for us, while because of the same habitual patterns, we can sometimes feel frustrated and blank when we have to do something which we are not used to doing?”

While he was talking, I too had walked into the kitchen and was standing behind him. As he finished, I said, “Yes. I understand that.”

Walking back into his library and sitting on his comfortable revolving chair, he said, “One of the characteristics of our brain is that it forms connections. Whenever we experience something new, a new connection is formed in our brain. These experiences can be of any number of kinds, from merely an exposure to a new word, or a conversation that gives us a new perspective or challenges any of our existing perspectives to suddenly being faced with a new life situation, as having to make coffee in milk.” He said, ending with light laughter.

He remained quiet for a few seconds, anticipating me to comment. I didn’t say anything. After almost a minute, he continued, “As we repeat our experiences, the connections in our brains are strengthened. And this develops our habits, whether they relate to the words we generally use in our speech and writings, or to respond to others’ comments or actions, or to carry out everyday life chores – like making coffee. On the other hand, if an experience is not repeated over a long time, the connection is weakened and, sometimes, the experience may even slip out of our consciousness. For instance, after being exposed and introduced to a new word, if you do not use it or are not exposed to it for some time, its meaning and usage can easily slip out of your conscious memory.

“Another relevant characteristic of our brain is that it cannot distinguish between reality and imagination. When you imagine something in sufficient detail and immerse yourself in that image, it is as good as real for the brain.” Suddenly, he stood up and walked to the bookshelf on his left and took out a small, blue-colored book. I could read the title ‘Silva Mind Control Method.’ He shuffled through the pages. Then finding what he was looking for, he started reading out from it:

Imagine that you are standing in your kitchen holding a lemon that you have just taken from the refrigerator. It feels cold in your hand. Look at the outside of it, its yellow skin. It is a waxy yellow, and the skin comes to small green points at the two ends. Squeeze it a little and feel its firmness and its weight.

Now raise the lemon to your nose and smell it. Nothing smells quite like a lemon, does it? Now cut the lemon in half and smell it. The odor is stronger. Now bite deeply into the lemon and let the juice swirl around in your mouth. Nothing tastes quite like a lemon either, does it?

At this point, if you have used your imagination well, your mouth will be watering.

 

He closed the book and looking at me, he asked, “Do you understand what it means?”

“Yes,” I replied. “But I do not understand how this characteristic of the brain can be a helpful tool in getting rid of any of our undesired habits?”

“Keep in mind how habits are formed in the first place,” he said. “As I mentioned earlier, it is the repetition of our actions that forms our habits. When you do something repeatedly, it naturally becomes easier for you to keep doing it and more difficult for you to change it. This is the time that that action has become a habit. Now, if you combine this fact with the understanding that our brain cannot distinguish between something that we are actually doing and something that we are only imagining, you will see how our faculty of imagination can help us in forming new habits and replacing old ones.”

“Can you please explain how can we practically make it happen?” I had my question ready, even before he completed his sentence.

“Some time back, I developed the realization that whenever something transpired that was not to my liking or in keeping with my expectations, I would start getting uptight, extremely tense, angry, and frustrated. I would immediately start looking for whose fault it was and then try to confront the ‘perpetrator’ with my inquisition. As you can guess, it rarely solved any problems and never succeeded in righting the wrong that had already transpired. But, it did create a lot of heightened tensions in my relationships and caused me further agony over my role in those strained relationships. Once I had this realization, I wanted to get rid of this habit…”

“Did you decide about your motive for change?” I interjected.

“Yes. My agony over strained relations was giving me a clear message that I needed to be more understanding, more caring, more compassionate, and more accommodating so that people – and especially those closely related to me – could feel comfortable being their real selves with me.” He replied quickly and then continued, “So, having decided to try and get rid of this habit, I used the imaging-technique. I would sit silently just imagining and visualizing – in as much detail as possible – a scene that would generally trigger tension, anger, and frustration in me. But, in my visualization, rather than getting tensed, angry, or frustrated, I would imagine staying calm and telling myself that nothing is worth straining my relationships with those who are so dear to me. I would imagine refraining from making judgments about the situation and listening to everyone involved in it, trying to understand their individual perspectives. Then I would imagine responding to the situation in a manner that would safeguard and protect anyone involved in the situation from being hurt or distressed.

“In the beginning, this imagination seemed unreal. As if my brain was resisting my calm response to the situation. However, as I continued practicing the imaging-technique, it gradually became easier for my brain to accept it as an alternative reality.

“However, not too long after I started this practice of visualization, I became more conscious of my reactions. Even if I could still not control them, there was definitely an inner voice that prompted me to stop. Then, after a few weeks of continuing to practice the imaging-technique, I started controlling my reactions too – not every time but there was some improvement that I experienced and felt encouraged with.

“I cannot say that I have completely overcome my old reactive habit, but I know that I am moving in my desired direction, even if only one step at a time.” Then he looked at me smiling – a smile with a slight touch of embarrassment, I reckoned – and asked, “Does this example clarify the role imagination can play in forming new habits?”

“Yes. I think it does,” I said, nodding my head.

 

Lahore, Pakistan
June 09, 2020

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Who are You?

Today, I would like to direct the same question to my friends, which I tried to answer for myself in the last post: “Who are you and what is the identity that you have chosen for yourself?”

Conduct an experiment: If you only ask the first part of the question, “who are you?” almost everyone that you meet will answer it by telling you their name or, sometimes, by adding their position or the designation, which they hold in their organization, or by explaining what they do. This clearly points out, on the one hand, that most people – a very large majority – have no sense of identity other than the names that they were given or other than the jobs that they are performing. While, on the other hand, it is an indication that we are, generally, so devoid of a sense of identity that we search for it in such things as our positions, designations, and achievements. However, the problem is that as a being with a conscious, as well as a conscience, we will not be satisfied with an identity given to us by someone else – even if that someone includes our parents, or elders. Neither will we be satisfied with an identity that is likely to change every time our position, work, responsibility, or social status is changed by the circumstances.

Thus, our sense of identity not only gives us stability in our ever changing, unpredictable, and complex world and circumstances, it also gives a meaning to our lives; it provides us the strength to face our share of failures and difficult times in life; it gives us the courage to do what we understand to be right, even when the costs of doing right are high. In a way, it makes us fully human – conscious and conscientious – and connects us to a purpose larger than ourselves.

As a side note, it may be interesting to know that one of the reasons ascribed to the recent increase in the incidence of depression and even suicide – which is indicative of complete hopelessness and despair – is lack of meaning in one’s life. Viktor Frankl’s treatise, ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ and the subsequent recognition of ‘Logotherapy’ as a branch of Psychology, allows me to say with confidence that striving to find meaning in life is the primary, most powerful motivating driving force in humans.

The idea of a lack of consciously developed identity and a lack of meaning in life reminds me of the large number of students – especially aspiring medical students – who invariably call me in a state of extreme hopelessness and distress, because of their low grades, which are insufficient for pursuing their further studies to become doctors. They clearly sound as if they have lost all sense of identity from their lives. The position and the emotional state of adults is not significantly different, when they are removed from their long-standing, cherished positions.

I do not intend to give the impression that in my opinion, such incidents in life should not be a cause of disturbance and sadness. They most definitely are and probably will continue to be. But, that is life, isn’t it? Things – unpleasant and unwanted – are also going to happen. Having a strong sense of meaning and self-identity will greatly support us in going through the turbulent times of life. This is precisely the message that I have discerned from Viktor Frankl’s ‘Man’s search for Meaning.’

Coming back to the point, I would like you to answer the question “Who are you and what is the identity that you have chosen for yourself?”

Take some time in trying to answer this question. Look past yourself and beyond your immediate needs, desires, and concerns. Look at your surroundings and see what is it that you care enough to contribute to the people around you. Is there any way that you can slightly reduce anyone’s suffering? Is there any thing that you feel moved enough to contribute to those for whom your contribution is of much more value than it costs you? Your identity doesn’t have to be something that challenges the whole world. It can be as humble as making a small difference in a single life – one life at a time. Something that you are moved to contribute as you go through all the ups and downs of your own life. Something that provides you a stable and a permanent identity – at least in your own eyes – irrespective of the changes in your position, responsibility, job, or status.

December 14, 2019
(Lahore, Pakistan)

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