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The Pain We Suffer vs. the Pain We Create

The Pain We Suffer vs. the Pain We Create

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

In the complex landscape of human emotions, not all pain is the same. Some suffering is unavoidable, a natural part of life’s tests. However, much of our distress is often self-inflicted—not because we intentionally choose hardship, but because of how we respond to painful events after they happen.

This article examines the difference between the pain life inflicts on us and the pain we inflict on ourselves—and how we can learn to handle this difference with more awareness.

Two Types of Emotional Pain

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by negative emotions—sadness, anxiety, anger, resentment—it’s important to pause and ask: Where is this pain coming from?

1. The Pain of the Event

This is the pain you experience because of a real event—an injustice, a loss, a betrayal, or a disappointment. It is natural and expected. This pain is often part of life’s tests, a part of being human.

Someone insults you unfairly. You feel hurt and upset. This reaction is normal and realistic.

This kind of pain is not entirely in your control—it comes as part of the experience. However, it can be processed, healed, and transformed through faith, reflection, or healthy emotional processing.

2. The Pain We Create

Then there is the second kind of pain— the one we create after the event. This occurs when we replay the situation over and over in our minds, reliving the injustice, analyzing it in detail, imagining different responses, or trying to decode the other person’s motives.

Each time we re-enter that mental loop, we relive the original pain. We fuel it. We stretch it. And often, we magnify it.

A friend betrayed your trust a year ago. Instead of moving on, you keep revisiting the memory every few days, especially when you see them on social media. Each time, it feels like a fresh wound. You’re not just carrying the pain — you’re now experiencing multiple layers of the same hurt.

How We Turn a Scratch Into a Scar

Here’s how this process unfolds:

  1. An event hurts us.
  2. We dwell on it without closure.
  3. Each repetition reawakens the emotional response.
  4. The emotions start to build, escalate, and spiral out of control.

Eventually, our sense of self might begin to merge with that pain: “I am a victim,” or “People always mistreat me.”

What was once a wound turns into a permanent scar, not because of the size of the wound but because of our unwillingness (or inability) to let go.

Breaking the Cycle: What Can We Do?

The goal isn’t to hide emotions or act like we’re not affected. Instead, it’s to prevent getting stuck in a cycle of unnecessary suffering.

Here are three steps to help you break that cycle:

1. Acknowledge the Real Pain

Allow yourself to feel what you experienced during the event. Suppressing pain causes it to linger. But facing it honestly opens the way for healing.

Example Prompt: What happened? How did I feel at the time? Why did it hurt?

2. Distinguish Between Then and Now

Recognize that each time you replay the memory, you are choosing to relive the pain. Ask yourself:

  • Is this event occurring right now?
  • Is my suffering new—or am I fueling it with thought?

Example Prompt: What do I gain by revisiting this? What do I lose?

3. Redirect Your Attention

The mind can’t focus on two things at the same time. After acknowledging the pain, softly shift your attention to something positive.

  • Document your progress.
  • Help someone in need.
  • Channel the emotion into creativity.
  • Reframe the event from the perspective of divine wisdom or personal growth.

Example Prompt: What can this pain teach me? How can I incorporate it into my personal growth story?

Closing Reflection: Are You Still Bleeding From a Healed Wound?

Life will test us. Others will hurt us. However, our ongoing suffering is often not about what happened—it’s about how we choose to handle it.

Don’t become your own enemy. The same mind that relives the pain can also let it go. The same heart that clings to grudges can learn to forgive. The choice happens in the moment between remembering and reacting.

When that moment arrives, pause—and choose healing.

Reflection

Answer these questions in your journal:

  1. What is one painful event I keep replaying in my mind?
  2. What feelings do I experience each time I remember it?
  3. What do I think I will lose if I let it go?
  4. What could I gain by releasing it?
  5. What is a small step I can take today to begin my healing?
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Mercy: God’s Present Priority

Mercy: God’s Present Priority

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

When we observe the world around us, we often see injustice, suffering, and cruelty. Many ask: if God is just, why does He allow wrongdoers to prosper and the innocent to endure suffering? The Qur’an offers an important insight into this question: while God is fully just, His priority in this world is mercy rather than immediate justice. Justice will be fully realized on the Day of Judgment. Until then, mercy guides God’s interactions with humanity.

Mercy Over Immediate Justice

The Qur’an says:

“What would God gain by punishing you if you are grateful and believe?” (An-Nisa 4:147).

God does not rush to punish. Instead, He offers chances for people to reflect, repent, and return. If justice came immediately, human freedom would break down, and the test of life would end. Mercy creates room for growth.

The Daily Signs of Mercy

Every breath we take is a gift of mercy. Our ongoing existence, despite our mistakes, reflects mercy. Even when we sin, the door of repentance remains open until our last breath. The Prophet ﷺ taught that God’s mercy outweighs His wrath, and that He divided His mercy into a hundred parts — leaving just one part on earth, by which parents show love to children and creatures show kindness to one another — and reserved ninety-nine parts for the Hereafter (Bukhari, Muslim).

Mercy in Trials

Even hardships are wrapped in mercy. A painful illness can cleanse sins. A financial setback can humble arrogance. A delayed blessing can strengthen patience. While we may not see mercy immediately in our suffering, faith assures us that God’s wisdom and compassion are active even in what hurts.

Mercy as Protection From Ourselves

If God were to deal with us by pure justice right now, even our small ingratitudes and hidden sins could destroy us.

“If God were to seize people for their wrongdoing, He would not have left upon the earth any creature.” (An-Nahl 16:61).

It is only by mercy that we are given time to recognize our flaws, seek forgiveness, and amend our lives.

Mercy Today, Justice Tomorrow

Mercy being the current priority doesn’t mean justice isn’t present. Instead, justice is postponed, but signs of it can still be seen everywhere. On the Day of Judgment, fairness will be perfectly maintained. Until then, God gives room for repentance, growth, and choice.

The Signs of Justice Already Present

Even now, the world still reflects God’s justice — it can be seen in many forms.

  • The balance of the universe: planets orbit with precision, seasons follow cycles, and ecosystems sustain themselves. This harmony reflects God’s attribute of justice, demonstrating that disorder is not the normal state of creation.
  • The balance of life on Earth: The food chain controls populations, natural systems recycle and renew themselves, and every living being finds its sustenance within the order God has established. Justice is evident in this inherent balance.
  • The conscience within: God has placed in every person an inner witness that good and evil are not equal. This moral guide warns us, even when we ignore it, that someday good and evil will be fully separated. Our guilt, admiration for virtue, and desire for fairness are all signs that justice is real and unstoppable.

Therefore, although perfect justice is delayed, signs of justice are present everywhere — in the universe, in nature, and inside the human heart — guiding us toward the day when justice will be fully revealed.

 

Reflection Exercise: Traces of Justice

Take ten quiet minutes today.

  1. Look at the world around you — the sky, the order of day and night, the way your body sustains life. Write down three signs of balance or order that reflect God’s justice.
  2. Reflect on one moment recently when your conscience strongly told you: “This was wrong,” or “This was good.” How did you respond?
  3. Conclude with this thought: If God has left signs of justice so clear in creation and within me, how much more perfect will His final justice be when nothing is hidden?
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Through People, From God

Through People, From God

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

One of the most difficult aspects of faith is understanding how God’s will manifests in human interactions. Most of the tests we face in life do not come directly from natural events like earthquakes, storms, or sudden illness. They come through people: a colleague undermines us, a family member disappoints us, a friend betrays us, or a stranger treats us unjustly. In such cases, it is easy to get trapped in bitterness, anger, or the desire for revenge. Faith invites us to see deeper: though the act came through people, it was allowed by God as part of our test, and whatever God allows to happen is what His wisdom, mercy, knowledge, and power permit.

Seeing Beyond the Actor

When a person wrongs us, we usually see only the actor — the one who insulted us, cheated us, or hurt us. Faith reminds us to shift perspective: what happened could not have reached us without God’s permission. People are the means; the decision lies with God. This does not absolve the wrongdoer of responsibility, but it frees us from being consumed by personal resentment.

Our Test is in the Response

We cannot control how people behave toward us, but we can control how we respond to them. The Qur’an (Al-Shura 42:40) teaches: “The recompense for an injury is an equal injury; but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with God.” This verse affirms both justice and forgiveness: we may seek fair retribution, but the higher path is to forgive for God’s sake.

Avoiding the Trap of Overreaction

Often, when wronged, our immediate impulse is to strike back harder, to prove our strength, or to “teach a lesson.” Faith sets a boundary: even when we have the power to retaliate, we must not transgress moral and legal limits. Our dealings remain within God’s framework — for our ultimate accountability is not to the wrongdoer but to Him.

An Opportunity for Elevation

Seeing tests “through people, from God” transforms suffering into opportunity. The Prophet ﷺ taught that even the prick of a thorn can wash away sins if borne with patience. If we respond to human-caused trials with restraint, humility, and reliance on God, those very trials become vehicles for purification and elevation.

Forgiveness as Strength

Forgiveness in this paradigm is not weakness. It is the choice to rise above human quarrels and anchor oneself in God’s pleasure. It requires more strength to forgive for God’s sake than to retaliate for one’s ego. Each act of forgiveness becomes an empowerment of the declaration: “My affair is with God, not with people.”

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The Lens of Faith: Life as an Interaction with God

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

He prayed regularly, gave charity, and fasted. Everyone who knew him thought of him as a devout and model Muslim. Life went smoothly, and God was kind to him.

One day, however, he experienced a significant setback in his business. Although visibly worried, he remained humble and reassured himself and others that God would soon help solve his problems. Shortly afterward, a family member fell ill. His prayers grew longer, his pleas more frantic and earnest.

But when nothing seemed to change, questions began to trouble his heart: Why is God not listening to me? Why has He turned away from me? What did I do to deserve this indifference? His internal dialogue grew harsher, along with his displeasure. Slowly, complaints started to form in his heart.

Deep inside, he had expected that these acts of worship would guarantee him a life of ease and protection — that his faithfulness to God would be repaid with worldly comfort. For him, faith was like a contract: “I serve God, He would give me what I want.” His prayers grow more intense, his pleas louder — but when the outcomes remain unchanged, his heart darkens. He begins to feel abandoned: “If God won’t protect me after all my worship, what is the point?”

This is what the Qur’an describes:

“Some people worship God [as if standing] on an edge. If they benefit, they are satisfied with Him, but if they face a trial, they turn around. [By doing so,] they lost the [life of this] world and the hereafter. That, indeed, is an evident loss.” (Al-Hajj 22:11)

The Qur’an also critiques this fragile, transactional approach.

Whoever [despairs of God’s mercy and] thinks that God will not help him in this world or the hereafter should find means to reach the heavens, sever [his connection with God], and then see if his plan relieves his frustration. (Al-Hajj 22:15)

When faith becomes just a tool for worldly success, it turns shallow and fragile. The first disappointment shatters it.

A Different Attitude

True servitude to God is not a transaction to achieve desirable outcomes, but about aligning our responses to His will. Life is a test, not a bargain. The purpose of prayer, patience, and gratitude is not to secure specific worldly results, but to elevate the soul and prepare for eternal success.

This requires a different perspective — the Lens of Faith — through which every event, whether joy or pain, is seen as part of God’s merciful, wise, all-knowing, and all-powerful plan.

Why We Need a Different Approach

Life constantly presents us with challenges — illness, unfair treatment, accidents, disappointments. On the surface, these seem like results of our own or others’ choices or random chance. A boss insults us, a family member hurts us, a driver causes an accident. Instinctively, we focus on the “actor” in front of us.

But faith encourages us to look more deeply. The Qur’an tells us that nothing reaches us except by God’s permission, and that His knowledge, wisdom, mercy, and power support every situation. If this is true, then the true test is not “Why did they do this?” but “How do I respond to God in this moment?”

This is the Lens of Faith — to see every event as ultimately an interaction with the Divine, not just with people.

The Director and the Actors

Imagine life as a grand play. The people around us are actors delivering their lines — some kind, some harsh, some unfair. But the Director is God, who allows certain scenes to unfold in a way that tests and trains us.

When I focus only on the actors, I get caught up in anger, blame, or revenge. But when I remember the Director, my attention shifts: “This scene was written into my life for a purpose. What response will please Him?”

The Paradigm Behind the Lens

To view life through the Lens of Faith is to remember that:

  • A merciful God governs all. His focus is on our eternal salvation, not temporary comfort.
  • A wise God never allows an event without purpose, even when His wisdom is concealed from us.
  • An all-knowing God observes not just what occurs but also our inner motives and struggles.
  • An all-powerful God guarantees that nothing and no one can surpass His will.

Nothing can happen without His permission — and nothing receives His permission unless His mercy, knowledge, wisdom, and power enable it.

What Does Response Mean?

Response does not imply passivity. It means:

  • Remaining within moral and legal limits, even when provoked.
  • Choosing forgiveness when possible, understanding that God values those who trust Him with their concerns.
  • Maintaining gratitude even during difficult times, trusting in God’s blessings that may still be hidden.
  • Seeking correction when we fall short — asking for forgiveness, reflecting on why we reacted poorly, and preparing better for next time.

The Qur’an frames it beautifully:

If you choose to retaliate, do so only to the extent you are wronged; however, if you persevere patiently [instead of retaliating], it will be much better for those who remain patient. Be patient. You can only be patient with God’s help (Al-Nahl 16:126)

Internal Dialogue: Training the Heart

The Lens of Faith is not adopted once and for all — it is cultivated through inner dialogue.

  • Whisper to yourself during moments, big or small.
         This, too, comes from God. I must respond to Him.
  • Do this in everyday inconveniences: traffic delays, minor illnesses, a harsh word.
  • Over time, this dialogue becomes second nature — a protective shield against despair and resentment.

Faith then stops being just an abstract belief and turns into an interpretive lens, shaping every moment of life.

A Shift in What Matters

When I wear this lens:

  • My goal shifts from controlling outcomes to honoring God through my response.
  • I do not measure success in worldly results, but in the integrity of my attitude.
  • Pain becomes bearable because it is not wasted; it serves as a doorway to purification and eternal reward.

As the Prophet ﷺ said:

“No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that God expiates some of his sins for that.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

What this hadith means is that such trials, in and of themselves, are not automatically a source of reward. Instead, it is the believer’s response to them — patience, gratitude, and turning to God — that results in either the addition of good deeds or the wiping away of sins. The event is the test; the reward depends on how one endures and reacts to it.

Practicing the Lens of Faith

Daily Micro-Exercise:

  1. At night, reflect on a challenging moment from your day.
  2. Ask: “What if I had seen this as a transaction with God?”
  3. Notice the difference between your current response and the response you aim for.
  4. End with a dua: “God, help me see every moment through the lens of my faith in Your mercy, wisdom, power, and knowledge.”

This simple practice can reprogram the heart and keep you grounded in hope, patience, and gratitude.

__________________

Reflection Exercise for You

Spend a few calm minutes with pen and paper.

  1. Recall a positive and a negative event from the past few days.
  2. Write down your immediate reflex response and feelings at the moment.
  3. Now, view those events through the Lens of Faith — remembering that a merciful, wise, all-knowing, all-powerful God allowed them for your growth and eternal success.

Now reflect:

  • How does this new construction influence your feelings about the event?
  • What difference do you notice between your reflexive reaction and your renewed, faith-based response?
  • In your opinion, how could your life change if you viewed it through the lens of faith?

(Readers are requested and encouraged to share their experiences in the comments below).

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Death as a Master Reminder

 

 

یہ مضمون اردو میں پڑھیں

There are moments in life that wake us up more than any lecture, book, or conversation ever could. Few reminders hit as hard as death. One evening, a neighbor chats casually, and the next morning, news spreads that he slipped, fell, and never got up again. A friend shares dinner with you one day and is gone the next week. These sudden departures strike like lightning—brief, blinding, unforgettable.

The Illusion of Permanence

Most of us live as if tomorrow is guaranteed. We plan vacations months in advance, delay apologies, and postpone what truly matters. Death interrupts this illusion and reminds us that the future is not ours to promise. The only certainty is the present moment.

We see life as if it extends infinitely ahead, but in reality, each moment passes irreversibly. However, every moment is not lost—it becomes eternal. How we spend it will resonate forever. Every decision we make—whether in kindness or cruelty, gratitude or ingratitude—leads to a lasting consequence.

Everyday Encounters with Mortality

The reminder of death occurs not only during major events but also in everyday experiences.

  • Watching a funeral procession pass by.
  • Hearing about the sudden illness of a colleague.
  • Reading news of an accident involving someone your own age.

Each event whispers: “You too are temporary. But what you do now will last forever. How will you use your time?”

Death and Perspective

When death confronts us, many things lose their significance. Resentments suddenly seem trivial. The quest for recognition feels empty. Even material success, though not meaningless, no longer defines the value of life.

What grows sharper instead are questions of legacy:

  • Did I love sincerely?
  • Did I use my abilities to serve, or only to hoard?
  • If I leave tomorrow, what will endure from my choices today?

Death, like a stern teacher, refuses to let us hide behind distractions.

A Master Reminder, Not a Morbid Obsession

Some worry that thinking about death too often makes life feel heavy and joyless. But in reality, it can do the opposite. By reminding us that our time is limited, death encourages us to enjoy life more fully. A meal with loved ones tastes sweeter when we know such moments are temporary. An evening walk feels more valuable when we realize we might not have endless evenings left.

The reminder is not meant to paralyze but to prioritize. Death does not ask us to stop living; it asks us to live more deliberately—knowing that every breath is shaping eternity.

The Inner Dialogue Death Awakens

Encounters with death trigger a change in our self-talk. The complaint, “Why is life unfair?” often shifts to “What can I do with the life I still have?” Instead of endlessly delaying growth, we start to take action. Instead of holding onto bitterness, we forgive. Instead of fearing the end, we prepare for it by cherishing our present moments.

The Three Choices Before Us

If every moment is pushing us toward our unavoidable end, we cannot escape the need to choose how to face it. In reality, there are only three options:

  1. Ignore it: We can live in denial, distracting ourselves until the inevitable overtakes us. But ignorance does not protect us from reality; it only guarantees we arrive unprepared.
  2. Fret about it: We can become paralyzed by fear, and resent life’s impermanence, as if despair could slow the train rushing us forward. But this only wastes the time we do have.
  3. Eternalize it: We can give each moment meaning—through acts of compassion, words of truth, and efforts of integrity—so that when destiny arrives, it finds us ready, even eager, to face it.

The third choice is the only one that transforms inevitability into hope.

Conclusion

Death is not an end; it is a master reminder. It exposes life’s fragility, dissolves illusions, and brings into focus what truly matters. Though life is impermanent, every passing moment is becoming eternal.

We cannot change the train of time racing toward its destination, but we can choose how we ride it. We can ignore it, fret about it, or fill the journey with meaning. The last choice transforms the inevitability of death into the triumph of a life lived with depth, honesty, and purpose.

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