I said it almost defensively, “But if I act on this, I’ll come across as difficult. People won’t like it. It will create awkwardness.”
He didn’t argue. “That’s exactly the point,” he said.
I looked at him, unsure whether I had misunderstood. “What do you mean?” I asked.
He paused for a moment, then quietly said, “If your principles never cost you anything, they are probably just preferences.”
That landed harder than I expected. We like to think of ourselves as principled people. We say we value honesty, integrity, fairness, faith. We speak about doing the right thing. We admire it in others. We even intend it for ourselves. But intention is easy, until it comes with a cost. Because sooner or later, life presents a situation where acting on a principle will make you feel smaller in the eyes of others. You may lose approval. You may lose comfort. You may lose status. You may even lose relationships. And in that moment, something very quiet but very real happens inside. A negotiation begins. Is it really necessary to take a stand here? Can I be flexible this time? Does it really matter that much?
On the surface, these sound like reasonable questions. But often, they are not questions. They are exits.
“Principles are not tested when they are convenient,” he said. “They are tested when they cost you your ego.”
That word “ego” made everything clearer. Because what we often fear losing is not something external. It is how we are seen. Our image. Our acceptance. Our comfort within a group. And that is why compromise becomes so tempting. Not because we don’t know what is right. But because we know what it will cost.
He didn’t deny the difficulty. “Of course it will feel uncomfortable,” he said. “You may feel exposed. You may feel misunderstood. People may react.”
There was no attempt to soften it.
“But if you have decided that this is your principle,” he continued, “then you have to stand by it.”
That word—stand—felt heavier than it sounded. Because standing means not adjusting based on reactions. Not retreating when it becomes inconvenient. Not reshaping your values to fit the moment. It means staying. Even when it is uncomfortable.
I asked him something that had always confused me: “But where does the strength come from?” I said. “Because in the moment, it doesn’t feel like I have it.”
He didn’t answer immediately. Then he said, “From remembering where you are ultimately headed.”
I didn’t fully understand.
He explained: “If your motivation is to please people, then their reactions will control you.”
That made sense.
“If your motivation is comfort,” he continued, “then discomfort will defeat you.”
I nodded.
“But if your motivation is that one day you will stand before God,” he said, “then everything changes.” Because now, the question is no longer: What will people think of me? It becomes: What will I present before God? And in that frame, many of the smaller fears lose their grip.
He then pointed to something very practical: “Two things will help you,” he said.
I listened carefully.
“First, steadfastness. Second, prayer.”
I was expecting something more complex. But he kept it simple.
“Steadfastness,” he said, “means you have already decided.”
That was important.
You don’t wait for the moment to decide. Because in the moment, emotions are strong. Pressure is high. Clarity is low. You decide beforehand. This is who I want to be. This is what I will stand for. And then, when the situation arises, you act not based on how you feel but on what you have already chosen.
He added something that felt both honest and liberating: “Yes, you may lose something. Your ego may take a hit. People may not like it. You may feel left out. But that is part of the test.”
The second thing he mentioned was prayer. And here, his tone changed.
“Without a relationship with God,” he said, “steadfastness becomes very difficult.”
That was something I had experienced but never articulated.
Because when you rely only on your own personal strength, it runs out. But when you repeatedly return to God, when you stand in prayer, when you bow, when you acknowledge your need, something shifts. You are reminded that you are not standing alone. That your effort is seen. That your struggle matters. That your small acts of integrity are not insignificant. “They are part of your meeting with God,” he said.
That phrase stayed with me. Your meeting with God.
He gave an image that I still think about: “Imagine,” he said, “that every time you act on your principle, you are responding to a call. A call not from people. But from God. And when you respond, when you stand firm, when you choose what is right, you are, in a sense, saying: I heard Your call, and I came. That transforms the act. It is no longer just a social decision.
It is a spiritual response.
I remembered a small moment from my life. There was a gathering where a conversation had turned uncomfortable, something I didn’t agree with. It wasn’t extreme. It wasn’t dramatic. Just one of those situations where staying silent would have been easier. I felt the hesitation. If I speak, it will disrupt the flow. If I stay quiet, it will pass. In the past, I might have chosen silence. But that day, something was different. I didn’t argue. I didn’t preach. I simply said, “I’m not comfortable with this.”
There was a pause. A slight shift in the room. A few looks. And then the conversation moved on. It was a small moment. But it stayed with me. Not because of what others did. But because of what I did.
That’s when I understood what he meant. Principles are not always tested in big, dramatic situations. They are tested in small, ordinary moments. Moments where no one may even remember what you did. But you will. And perhaps, more importantly—God will.
In the end, he brought it back to something simple. “Make your life a reflection of that response,” he said. A response to God’s call. Not perfectly. Not flawlessly. But consistently.
Now, when I feel that hesitation, that pull to adjust, to avoid discomfort, to protect my image, I remind myself of something he said at the very beginning. If it costs you nothing, it is not a principle.
And if it is a principle, it is worth standing for.
