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The Pain We Suffer vs. the Pain We Create

The Pain We Suffer vs. the Pain We Create

 

 

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In the complex landscape of human emotions, not all pain is the same. Some suffering is unavoidable, a natural part of life’s tests. However, much of our distress is often self-inflicted—not because we intentionally choose hardship, but because of how we respond to painful events after they happen.

This article examines the difference between the pain life inflicts on us and the pain we inflict on ourselves—and how we can learn to handle this difference with more awareness.

Two Types of Emotional Pain

Whenever you feel overwhelmed by negative emotions—sadness, anxiety, anger, resentment—it’s important to pause and ask: Where is this pain coming from?

1. The Pain of the Event

This is the pain you experience because of a real event—an injustice, a loss, a betrayal, or a disappointment. It is natural and expected. This pain is often part of life’s tests, a part of being human.

Someone insults you unfairly. You feel hurt and upset. This reaction is normal and realistic.

This kind of pain is not entirely in your control—it comes as part of the experience. However, it can be processed, healed, and transformed through faith, reflection, or healthy emotional processing.

2. The Pain We Create

Then there is the second kind of pain— the one we create after the event. This occurs when we replay the situation over and over in our minds, reliving the injustice, analyzing it in detail, imagining different responses, or trying to decode the other person’s motives.

Each time we re-enter that mental loop, we relive the original pain. We fuel it. We stretch it. And often, we magnify it.

A friend betrayed your trust a year ago. Instead of moving on, you keep revisiting the memory every few days, especially when you see them on social media. Each time, it feels like a fresh wound. You’re not just carrying the pain — you’re now experiencing multiple layers of the same hurt.

How We Turn a Scratch Into a Scar

Here’s how this process unfolds:

  1. An event hurts us.
  2. We dwell on it without closure.
  3. Each repetition reawakens the emotional response.
  4. The emotions start to build, escalate, and spiral out of control.

Eventually, our sense of self might begin to merge with that pain: “I am a victim,” or “People always mistreat me.”

What was once a wound turns into a permanent scar, not because of the size of the wound but because of our unwillingness (or inability) to let go.

Breaking the Cycle: What Can We Do?

The goal isn’t to hide emotions or act like we’re not affected. Instead, it’s to prevent getting stuck in a cycle of unnecessary suffering.

Here are three steps to help you break that cycle:

1. Acknowledge the Real Pain

Allow yourself to feel what you experienced during the event. Suppressing pain causes it to linger. But facing it honestly opens the way for healing.

Example Prompt: What happened? How did I feel at the time? Why did it hurt?

2. Distinguish Between Then and Now

Recognize that each time you replay the memory, you are choosing to relive the pain. Ask yourself:

  • Is this event occurring right now?
  • Is my suffering new—or am I fueling it with thought?

Example Prompt: What do I gain by revisiting this? What do I lose?

3. Redirect Your Attention

The mind can’t focus on two things at the same time. After acknowledging the pain, softly shift your attention to something positive.

  • Document your progress.
  • Help someone in need.
  • Channel the emotion into creativity.
  • Reframe the event from the perspective of divine wisdom or personal growth.

Example Prompt: What can this pain teach me? How can I incorporate it into my personal growth story?

Closing Reflection: Are You Still Bleeding From a Healed Wound?

Life will test us. Others will hurt us. However, our ongoing suffering is often not about what happened—it’s about how we choose to handle it.

Don’t become your own enemy. The same mind that relives the pain can also let it go. The same heart that clings to grudges can learn to forgive. The choice happens in the moment between remembering and reacting.

When that moment arrives, pause—and choose healing.

Reflection

Answer these questions in your journal:

  1. What is one painful event I keep replaying in my mind?
  2. What feelings do I experience each time I remember it?
  3. What do I think I will lose if I let it go?
  4. What could I gain by releasing it?
  5. What is a small step I can take today to begin my healing?
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Taking Off the “Depression Glasses”

 

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The way we see the world is never entirely neutral. Our minds act like lenses, shaping how we interpret events, relationships, and even our self-esteem. For some, this lens becomes darker over time—formed by repeated disappointments, painful experiences, or internalized labels. Life might feel dull not necessarily because it is, but because of the “glasses” we are wearing.

This metaphor of “depression glasses” captures a truth many can relate to: depression is not only about how things are but also about how we have learned to see them. The first step toward healing often begins with realizing that we are wearing these glasses in the first place.

The Weight of Labels

When someone says, “I am a depressed person,” the label does more than describe—it defines. Over time, these labels become heavy and part of one’s identity. Every event is influenced by the belief: “Of course I feel this way, because I am depressed.”

But a label isn’t destiny. It captures a moment of struggle, not a permanent identity. The risk of labels is that they subtly train us to see ourselves through a single story, until those views become so fixed that we forget what the world looks like without them.

The Metaphor of the Glasses

Think of wearing tinted glasses: everything—sunlight, a flower, or a smile—looks different through that tint. Depression works in a similar way.

  • Joy feels muted. Achievements seem smaller, happiness seems fleeting.
  • Problems seem exaggerated. Small inconveniences appear much larger, as if seen through a magnifying glass.
  • Hope seems unrealistic. The future appears bleak regardless of the actual possibilities.

The tragedy isn’t that the world has changed, but that our view of it has.

Awareness: The First Step

The pivotal moment happens when we realize: “I am wearing depression glasses.”

This awareness doesn’t instantly cure the heaviness, but it creates a vital gap between “me” and “my thoughts.” It allows a person to say:

  • This isn’t the only perspective.
  • I am not my depression; I am a person going through depressive thoughts.
  • I can try taking the glasses off, even if just for a few minutes.

Once that realization occurs, a different form of agency becomes possible.

Taking the Glasses Off: Practical Steps

  1. Practice brief moments of awareness. Notice when thoughts sound absolute—“nothing ever works,” “everything is hopeless.” Remind yourself: this is the lens speaking.
  2. Challenge the label. Instead of “I am depressed,” try: “I am experiencing depressive feelings.” This minor change helps avoid the identity trap.
  3. Practice micro-actions. Spending three minutes on focused attention or quick gratitude reflections can ease negativity.
  4. Seek outside perspectives. Trusted friends, mentors, or professionals can serve as mirrors, helping you recognize what your biased view hides.
  5. Acknowledge your persistence. Even when negative thoughts come back, remind yourself: their persistence doesn’t make them true. They are intrusive but not controlling.

Spiritual Reframing: Suffering with Purpose

Every suffering that causes depressive thoughts can be reframed through faith. If the situation you face is not random but given by an Almighty, Wise, and Merciful Creator, then it cannot be without meaning.

Even when the exact purpose of a hardship is hidden from us, we can rest assured that it was not created in vain. Recognizing that God does not send us through pointless situations becomes a grounding truth.

This viewpoint enables us to transform our internal conversation.

  • This trial is not pointless. It has been allowed by a Merciful God.
  • Just because I don’t see its wisdom yet, doesn’t mean it doesn’t have wisdom.
  • The same God who permitted this pain is also the One who sustains me through it.

Persistently reminding ourselves of this truth makes faith an inner ally. It may not eliminate the heaviness of depression immediately, but it can ease it, providing strength, perspective, and hope. Over time, this spiritual reframing can become a powerful support—if not a full cure.

The Role of Gratitude and Balance

One of the most effective cures for depression glasses is gratitude. When life feels extremely negative, deliberately noticing small positives—like a safe shelter, a caring friend, or the ability to breathe freely—reminds us that the tint is not the whole picture.

This isn’t about ignoring pain or pretending everything is okay. It’s about refusing to let the dark lens erase the light that still exists. Gratitude, practiced regularly, slowly peels away the tint, allowing in more clarity.

The Journey of Persistence

Taking off depression glasses is not a one-time act. Often, we briefly remove them only to find ourselves putting them back on unconsciously. But with persistence—repeatedly practicing awareness, gratitude, and spiritual reframing—life begins to look different.

Initially, the change might be subtle: colors appear slightly brighter, conversations feel less exhausting, and hope seems a bit more realistic. Over time, those moments add up, and the glasses no longer feel stuck to the face.

Conclusion

Depression glasses distort how we see ourselves and the world, but they are not permanent. They can be recognized, challenged, reinterpreted, and slowly eliminated.

The journey is neither quick nor straight. But each moment of awareness, every refusal to see negative thoughts as the final truth, each act of gratitude, and every reminder that suffering serves a divine purpose are steps toward clearer understanding.

Seen from the perspective of a Merciful and Wise Creator, life—even with its hardships—gains purpose. And within that purpose, hope and healing are born.

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