In nearly every area of life—whether it’s education, parenting, relationships, or even religious practice—we often fall into a results-focused mindset. We concentrate on outcomes: Did my child do well? Did the student understand the lesson? Did I receive a reward from God? However, life continually reminds us that although results matter, they are never entirely within our control. What we can control is the process.
This shift in perspective—from results to process—is both a practical and a deeply spiritual principle.
The Farmer’s Lesson
Imagine a farmer who plants his crops. He tills the soil, waters the field, and makes sure every step is done properly. But when hailstorms hit and destroy the crop, the farmer doesn’t curse the heavens or give up farming. He goes back to the same process—plowing, sowing, watering—because he knows this is the part he can control. The harvest, whether plentiful or ruined, is never completely in his hands.
Human beings are no different. Like the farmer, we can only work faithfully through the process, never guaranteeing the outcome.
The Child Learning to Speak
Parents often worry when their child is slow to talk. However, language development is a natural process. If the child is placed in the right environment where language is spoken, they will eventually start talking—unless there is a medical issue. Pressuring, comparing, or punishing will not speed up this process; it might even cause harm.
This illustrates the broader principle: development happens through exposure, modeling, and environment, not through force or obsession with results.
Process Orientation in Parenting and Teaching
Imagine a parent trying to teach a child generosity at the dinner table. A results-driven approach might scold the child: “You should share right now!” But a process-driven parent will demonstrate generosity, share stories of role models, and foster a culture of sharing over time. In the end, the child’s heart will lean toward sacrifice—not because of fear of correction, but because of the natural internalization of values.
Similarly, when teaching fasting (roza), parents may fall into the trap of using reward and punishment: “If you fast, you’ll get this gift; if you don’t, you’ll lose this privilege.” This approach might work temporarily, but once the external motivation fades, so will the practice. The real process is in cultivating faith, conviction, and a relationship with God, so that fasting naturally becomes an act of devotion rather than merely an obligation.
Why Result-Orientation Fails
- It creates pressure and judgment. Parents, teachers, or religious guides often resort to scolding, labeling, or forcing because they seek immediate results.
- It fosters hypocrisy. People act for appearances or rewards, not out of conviction.
- It collapses when external control is taken away. When pressure or authority is removed, the behavior disappears.
This is evident across society: we impose bans, punishments, and external restrictions, but seldom focus on developing inner will, faith, and self-control.
The Civic Sense Example
One notable observation from Hajj is the lack of civic sense among pilgrims. Many perform rituals outwardly but fail to demonstrate patience, order, or consideration for others. Why? Because their religious practice is viewed through a results-oriented lens—praying for rewards or fearing punishment—rather than through a process-oriented lens of gratitude, discipline, and service to God.
Process Orientation in Self-Development
This principle applies not only to parenting or society but also to ourselves.
- If I wake up early, stay disciplined, and put effort into my business, I may or may not become wealthy—but I will definitely develop resilience and good habits.
- If I study sincerely, I might or might not top the exam, but I will definitely become more knowledgeable.
- If I practice patience in small daily tests, I may or may not change others—but I will transform my own character.
As the saying goes: “Don’t control what you cannot control. Control what you can—and that is your process.”
A Personal Anecdote
A student once told his mentor, “I study hard but still don’t get the top marks.” The mentor responded, “Your responsibility is not the top marks. Your responsibility is to learn with sincerity, honesty, and consistency. Marks belong to the system, effort belongs to you. Don’t confuse the two.”
That advice stayed with him for a lifetime—not just for school but for every challenge.
Reflections for Our Lives
- Am I obsessed with results? Do I judge myself or others solely based on visible outcomes?
- Am I faithful to the process? Do I stay committed to what is in my control, even when results are delayed or unseen?
- Am I fostering conviction or simply enforcing compliance?
Conclusion
Process orientation doesn’t mean ignoring results. It means letting go of the illusion of control over outcomes while putting our best effort into the actions, attitudes, and environments we can influence. It means trusting that in time, results will appear—some sooner, some later, and some possibly never in the way we expect.
In religion, parenting, relationships, and personal growth, this principle protects us from despair, arrogance, and judgment. It keeps us grounded in humility, patience, and trust in God.
As the farmer teaches us, hail may ruin the crop today, but tomorrow the soil still encourages us to plant again.
Reflection Prompt
Think of an area in your life where you’re frustrated by not seeing results. How would it change if you focused on the process instead of the outcome? What steps in the process are within your control today?
