He was quiet for a while. Probably, he was anticipating a question or a comment from me. But my total surprise at what he had said did not even allow me to open my mouth. I was still trying to digest what he had said, when I heard him continue, “Before moving on to any further steps to take with regard promoting such moral principles – as altruism – I would like to stress the importance of two concepts: one relates to our motive for striving for any change in our current habits; while the other relates to our ability to imagine what currently does not exist. Both of these can play a vital – sometimes decisive – role in our success in bringing about any change in our attitudes and behaviors.”
“But I find these to be two completely unrelated concepts,” I said.
He looked at me very seriously and said, “Our motive gives an answer to the ‘why’ for any efforts that we expend in this regard; and our imagination gives an answer to the ‘how’ and the ‘what’ for our efforts.”
I said, “I am listening,” prompting him to continue.
“You see, it requires some serious effort to change an old habit. Most of the time we may find ourselves continue doing what we are used to doing even though we had decided to change it, only because of our deep-rooted habits or mental patterns. Our brain has a strong tendency to stick to old habits, as it finds it safer and more secure sticking to the already trodden paths. To get our brain to hold back from this tendency so that we can take a different course of action, which is in consonance with our decision to change, and then persisting in this effort requires us to have a strong motive, which we personally hold dear. Without such a motive, we are not even likely to consider expending any effort in this regard.
“There are two aspects of having a clear motive that we must be consciously aware of: One, the motive should be intrinsic, rather than extrinsic. This means that we should not undertake such a moral act for any appreciation, recognition, or reward.
“Another important, though related, aspect is that it has to be a value- or principle-based motive, not a drive-based one…” This time, I could not resist interrupting and said, “What kind of a distinction is that?”
His gaze shifted to the bookshelf standing behind me as if he was searching for a book. Then he said, “Can you hand me that book titled “Culture Against Man” by Jules Henry. It is on the second shelf at the right.” It was an old, blue-colored, paper-back edition. I took it out and handed it to him.
Taking the book from my hand, he started scanning it. Then, finding what he was searching for, he looked at me and said, “Listen carefully to this,” as he started reading out from the book:
“Ours is a driven culture [the author is writing about the United States, but the similarities, in the stated regard, are obvious]. It is driven on by its achievement, competitive, profit, and mobility drives, and by the drive for security and a higher standard of living. Above all it is driven by expansiveness. Drives like hunger, thirst, sex, and rest arise directly out of the chemistry of the body, whereas expansiveness, competitiveness, achievement, and so on are generated by the culture; still we yield to the latter as we do to hunger and sex. Side-by-side with these drives is another group of urges, such as gentleness, kindliness, and generosity, which I shall call values, and in our culture a central issue for the emotional life of everyone is the interplay between these two. Values and drives – other than physiological drives – are both creations of the culture, but in the lives of Americans, and indeed of all western men and women, they play very different roles. A value is something we consider good; something we always want our wives, husbands, parents, and children to express to us, to shower on us when we are gay, to tender to us when we are miserable. Love, kindness, quietness contentment, fun, frankness, Honesty, decency, relaxation, simplicity belong here.
“Fundamentally, values are different from what I call drives, and it is only a semantic characteristic of our language that keeps the two sets of feelings together. To call both competitiveness and gentleness values is as confusing as to call them both drives. Drive is what urges us blindly into getting bigger, into getting further into outer space and into destructive competition; values are the sentiments that work in the opposite direction. Drive belong to the occupational world; values to the world of the family and friendly intimacy. Drives animate the hurly-burly of business, the Armed Forces, and all those parts of our culture where getting ahead, rising in the social scale, outstripping others, and nearly surviving in the struggle are the absorbing functions of life. When values appear in those areas, they act largely as brakes on driveness. Though the occupational world is, on the whole, antagonistic to values in this sense, it would nevertheless be unable to function without them, and it may use them as veils to conceal its underlying motivations.” (Culture against Man, Jules Henry)
Then placing the book on the table by his side, he looked at me and asked, “Do you understand the difference?”
“I think so,” I said. “I gather, according to this author, honesty, compassion, empathy, etc. belong to what you have termed as ‘value- or principle-based motives,’ while more growth, increasing profits, beating the competition, etc. are what you call ‘drive-based motives.’ Is that right?”
“Yes. That is how I see it. But, there’s another very important aspect that he has highlighted in the statement: ‘When values appear in those areas, they act largely act as brakes on driveness,’ and that is the reason why it is so important in my view to not only be fully aware of the reason for our adherence to such values but also to be fully committed to them, even if we, as individuals have to sacrifice a personal gain – a drive-based motive – along the way.”
“So, what do you think should be one’s motive to strive for changing one’s habits?” I asked.
“I think that question has to be answered individually by everyone who commits to traveling this road.” He said.
His answers such as this one always irritated me. “Give me a hint, at least,” I said.
“Ok.” He said, smiling. “Just pick that small frame from the table by your side and read it out.”
“It is something Mother Teresa has said,” I said and started reading out,
People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
March 04, 2020
Lahore, Pakistan