Learning Flourishes in an Environment of Freedom and Safety

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“So, you think that the first step is to be fully committed to developing these qualities in ourselves. What other steps would you recommend to take?” I asked, a little sarcastically.

“I think one of the most important qualities that inspire students and children to learn is to see their teachers and parents as learners and to witness them going through the difficult, iterative, and complex process of learning themselves.” He said. I remained silent anticipating him to continue. After a few moments of silence, he added, “You see, witnessing our teachers and parents going through this tough and complex learning process, transforms our relationship with them – from teachers and parents, whom we are made to believe to be infallible and ‘perfect,’ we become peers and partners in learning. It develops a kind of a collegial relationship with them…”

As soon as he stopped to take a breath, I said, “But why do you think it is even desirable to develop a collegial relationship between parents and their children, and between teachers and their students? Don’t you think that developing such a relationship will reduce the control that the elders can exercise over the young ones?” I asked.

“So, before I continue talking about any subsequent steps that I recommend, let me very briefly say that learning flourishes in an environment of freedom. Control is a hindrance, rather than a support to the learning process.” He said, and then added, “Memorization of facts, regurgitation of these memorized facts, giving quick, un-deliberated answers to such questions that have a single correct answer, which is already known to the elder, and getting high grades in standardized tests should not be confused with learning. Learning requires a safe and supportive environment in which the learner can take time to deliberate, can take risks, can make mistakes and learn from them, can form theories and test them, can revise and refine them, and can remain relaxed, comfortable, and confident in this whole process. As you can imagine, an environment of strict and unrelenting control will miserably fail in providing such a safe and supportive atmosphere.”

January 21, 2020
Sargodha, Pakistan

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Being the Change that We Want to See in Others

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“If developing an altruistic bent is so important, then how do you think we can develop and promote this attitude in others, especially our young ones?” I asked.

He sat there silently looking at me for a while. Then his gaze shifted to his coffee mug. He picked it up, held it in both his hands – as if to warm his palms with its heat. Then he slowly took a sip and placed the mug back on the table at his side. It was as if he was moving in slow motion. Then he looked at me and said, “It is comparatively easy to sometimes control or modify another person’s behavior, to some extent. But altruism is not merely a set of behaviors. It is an attitude and a bent of character, and there is no short-cut or a sure-shot method to transform attitudes and character.”

“Are you implying that there’s no clear way to teach our children to be altruistic?” I asked, clearly disappointed.

“You are a parent as well as a teacher. I’ll share with you an interesting observation that I generally have about parents and teachers: What I have observed is that when a parent or a teacher comes across a piece of information that is valuable, they immediately start talking about how they can teach it to their children and students.” He said.

“What do you find to be wrong with that?” I asked, a little irritated this time.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, as such. Firstly, it is based on the false assumption that teaching will always result in learning. We tend to ignore the fact that ‘learning’ does not necessarily result from teaching – even good teaching – alone. More than good teaching, ‘learning’ requires the interest, curiosity, attention, comfort, and developmental appropriateness on the part of the learner.

“Secondly, I think that if we find something to be so valuable that we would immediately like our children and our students to know about it and make it a part of their character, then before anything else, we should make it a part of our own character. Without this transformation in ourselves, there’s hardly a chance of effecting a transformation in anyone else.” He said with a hint of a sympathetic smile on his face.

“Are you saying that if we are not altruistic ourselves, we should not teach it to others?” I asked.

“No. What I am saying – and it does not relate only to altruism, but to all those moral qualities that we aspire to see in our young ones – is that if we want to develop these moral qualities in others, the first step is to be fully committed to developing these qualities in ourselves.” He said.

 

January 8, 2020
(Dubai, UAE)

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Altruism and the Intention to Please God

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“I think I understand the concept of ‘altruism.'” I said. Then, after a pause, I added, “There are two questions, however, that are causing some confusion in my mind. The first of these relates to something that you said regarding the source of the somewhat universality of experiencing a feeling of joy, peace, and serenity when we act altruistically.” He did not allow me to finish, and said, “You think that is it dogmatic to believe in God and to ascribe these feeling as having been implanted in us by Him?”

“No. My question is different. What I want to know is that if you think that the universality of the feeling of elation when we act altruistically is because of our inherent and ‘Divine’ programming, then do you think that our Creator wants us to be altruistic?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said, “I strongly believe that He does.”

“Then, would I be correct in assuming that you would also believe that God will reward our altruistic acts?” I asked.

“Yes. I think God will reward all our good deeds if we do them with the right intentions.” He answered confidently.

“That is what I thought,” I said triumphantly and continued, “now, my question is, if I were to act altruistically in the hope of being rewarded for it by God, will it mean that I have an ulterior motive and, thus, go against the very spirit of altruism?”

He looked seriously at me and said, “No.”

“But, you said that one has a desire to recognized, appreciated, or rewarded for any of his acts of supporting and helping others, it would amount to an ulterior motive, and an altruistic act should be clear of all ulterior motives. Isn’t that right?” I asked.

“Yes. That is right.” He said, and added, “but an ulterior motive, by its very nature, relates to this desire to be recognized, appreciated, or rewarded by other human beings. You see, the desire to be rewarded, appreciated or recognized by God does not entail the dangers that are entailed in our desire to be rewarded, or appreciated by other human beings.”

“What are these dangers?” I asked.

“When we act righteously to be rewarded, appreciated, or recognized by other human beings, it endangers our integrity. Our lives are then dictated not by any noble principles, but by who might be watching or observing us, at that time. Obviously, there is no such danger of being prone to lack of integrity, when the only reward we seek and hope for, is to please the All-Knowing God, from Whom, nothing is hidden.” He said, and then asked, “Does that make any sense to you?”

“I will need to think about it.” I said and then added, “My second question is why do you consider altruistic acts to be among the most fundamental good behaviors?”

“I hold altruistic acts to contribute toward the rejuvenation of the human spirit, and anything that contributes toward the rejuvenation of the human spirit deserves to be placed among the ‘fundamentally good behaviors’ in my eyes.” He said.

 

January 7, 2020
(Dubai, UAE)

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Feelings of those Affected by Altruism

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“So, I understand then that an altruistic act can be a source of peace, serenity, and satisfaction for the person who undertakes it. I think an equally important aspect is to see how such an act makes the other person – the beneficiary – feel too,” I said.

“Yes. That is quite right. I think both aspects are very important. How do you think the other person feels?” He asked.

I thought for a while and then said, “I think it makes one feel supported and cared for.”

He was focused on a picture of his family on the wall, when he said, “Don’t you think it makes you feel connected and in a close relationship that goes beyond all boundaries, barriers, and borders? It reminds you of being a part of the human family, that goes beyond all social as well as all superficial divisions.

“You see, whenever I think of that incident outside ‘Spinneys,’ I am intrigued by the thought that we were completely unaware of each other’s nationalities, religious ascriptions, socio-cultural backgrounds, or even each other’s existence in the world. It was purely a human connection – a relationship born out of our common humanity and an understanding and awareness of our human needs, desires, and aspirations.”

January 6, 2020
(Dubai, UAE)

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When Touched by Someone’s Altruism

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“Have you ever been touched by someone’s altruism?” I asked.

He looked at me with a very pleasant and a hearty smile, and said, “Some time back, I was with my wife in Dubai. We did not get a local number, so our internet connection only worked as long as we were in our apartment. One day – it was probably our second day there – we decided to go out for some grocery shopping. Using the apartment’s internet, we booked an Uber taxi and asked the driver to take us to the closest supermarket. As we arrived, I could see ‘Spinneys’ written on the building in bright green color. I asked the driver what that area was called and he told me that it was ‘Silicon Oasis.’

“We went inside the building and picked the things on our list. After about forty-five minutes, we were standing at the checkout counters with four bags full of groceries. After settling the bills, our next mission was to find the taxi-stand to get a cab that would take us to our apartment. We approached the security desk to find out where would we find the taxi-stand and to our dismay, we were told that there wasn’t any in this building. ‘Then where would we find a taxi?’ I asked and was told that we will have to take a chance, waiting at the front entrance for a customer who takes a drop there. ‘That is your only chance to get a taxi, other than using your phone and booking an Uber or a Careem taxi.’

“Neither of us was carrying our passport, so we could not get a local number. Now, there was nothing else to do but to wait. So, we stood at the front entrance, hoping for a customer to take a drop there. Many customers came, but none in a taxi. By this time, Dubai was engulfed in the dark of the night.

“Then – it seemed like a long time later – a young man in his late 20’s, who was approaching the entrance and was about to cross us, when my wife suddenly said, ‘excuse me, do you know how can we get a taxi here?’

“The gentleman answered, ‘if you want to get a taxi here, you will need to call Uber or Careem taxi.’ While we were talking to the gentleman, from the corners of our eyes we saw a tall and fair young lady hurriedly cross us, almost running into the supermarket.

“’But we don’t have a local number,’ I heard my wife say. The gentleman reluctantly pulled his telephone out of his pocket, but before he could even turn it on, the tall, fair, young lady who had hurriedly crossed us, was standing there with her cell-phone in her hand and asked, ‘you need a taxi?’ It was not really a question, as before we could answer, she was already booking one. Within a minute, she looked at the two of us with a smile and said, ‘it will come at the front entrance and this is its license-plate number,’ and as she started to turn back toward the supermarket, my wife said, ‘thank you very much. You’ve really been a great help.’ She casually turned back and said, ‘no, it’s ok,’ and she was gone.

“As she left, we looked at each other inquisitively. It seemed that we were both searching for the appropriate words to say when suddenly, she was back by our side and said, ‘sometimes, the cab drivers ask the name of the person who has booked the taxi. In case he does, my name is Maria.’”

Then he looked at me straight in the eyes and said, “Yes. Maria’s altruism touched us.”

“How did it feel?” I asked.

“Very honestly, it made me feel that God had sent an angel for us.” He said with a smile and then added, “It made me feel that we were visible to the world; It made me feel that what was bothering us as a problem could be felt by someone else in the world too.  It made me feel that our existence was noticeable and it actually mattered to someone.”

 

January 5, 2020
(Dubai, UAE)

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